Anger management....

All I know is that I need it now and a lot of it... Coming from someone who does not have anger issues typically, I need out of this toxic relationship with anger, and I want out now... I just don't know how anyone goes through life being angry.. Don't get me wrong, I have been on the giving end of it, and while it was quite fleeting, and still talked about at family gatherings, it was very destructive.. The worst of those memories are the ones where the wrong person had to feel my wrath.. I will never be able to apologize enough to a girl with the same name as me.. The four yr old in me seems to be determined to do the boxing ring victory dance on a few episodes, and if ever somebody needed to be smacked, it was those people... That's my story anyway.. And in some weird Rob Bell sort of way, this is, in fact, about that... It all eventually ties in and tears you up.. Just when you thought you were in control, you find out you aren't... Missy quoted something from Pastor Isaac Hunter the other day about surrender.. We can either surrender peacefully, or we can be forced.. Why must I be so stubborn??? Why must it take small tidbits of postings from all directions to get my attention?? I mean really get my attention??? Missy has been holding my hand, like a mother holds a small child's hand to keep them from darting into traffic, for the last few weeks, and I'm sure she has whiplash by now.. I just can't seem to stop being angry.. My big epiphany last night came as I sent a message to a facebook friend.. It was simply, yet profoundly, stated.. "A few weeks ago I got way different thought processed in my praying.. Serious, close my eyes, block out the world, moving my lips, focused praying.. I've had anger issues since.. Imagine that.."