As the future plows head-on into the past, let the healing begin.... Right now...

I personally don't think it's ever too late to heal... Or to at least make an attempt.. Healing.... Just the word gives a sense of peace, yet for me it is going to be the long and winding road... It's amazing how I found myself standing at a major crossroads in my life, while being stunned that it was anywhere on the map.. You know so many changes are coming so much of the time, but then along comes that foundation shaker and you are in awe of the fact that it caught you by surprise..  I was so caught up in watching it that I almost forgot to move out of the way.. My life has been such a series of near hits and near misses that to believe anybody but God is at the controls would be insane.. Those battle scars are the ones that seem to take years to really show up.. The pain of the past makes it difficult at times to see the important roll that they are playing in the present, and are going to play in your future... Those painful memories have as much to do with who I am today as the good time memories have.. I can honestly tell you that I would not, even if I could, change anything from my past... There are so many things that I wish hadn't happened, things that were completely out of my control anyway, but to change anything would be to change everything.. I am not willing to make that trade-off.. Maybe if I didn't have kids, or grand-kids, I might feel differently about that.. But I do, so I don't.. I hear people say all the time that they regret the day they met so-and-so.. I understand that, on their part, unless so-and-so is someone they have children with... To me, regretting that person is regretting your children... I would have crawled across miles of broken glass for my children.. So no, no regrets here... I had to go through every single thing I did, to be where I am standing today.. I am a work in progress.. I have the help of a great counselor.. She is helping me figure out how to deal with the skeletons.. I am blessed to be able to walk into her office and throw these skeletons in the floor, while telling her I need her to help me put them where they belong.. I know what they are, and I know why they are, I'm just not equipped to know exactly what to do with them.. That's why I have her... And the healing has only just begun... I am a huge reader, and I check out stuff about mental health all the time, but after the second or third outburst of tears, in Walmart, I decided maybe I needed a little guidance.. Don't get me wrong.. I NEVER want to stop crying because somebody or something has touched my heart.. I want to feel the worlds pain, and always be willing to "help somebody cry.."  It is those tears that drive me straight into God's lap, asking him why people are so mean, or telling him I don't understand the pain being suffered by the people and animals I share this planet with.. No doubt, these things are not necessarily for me to understand, but it is my job to pray for them.. I can definitely do that.. And trust me, I will probably be crying loud enough for the world to hear.. I'm looking for anyone and everyone to cry with me.. My healing may very well be at the mercy of all my tears.. My tears might actually be responsible for healing something besides myself.. Wouldn't that be a wonderful thing to take to Heaven??? And this all begins.... Right now...